Black Mental Health Matters
The Monday Musings!
Last night, I found myself deeply saddened by the suicide death of Cheslie Kryst, the 2019 Miss USA hailing from North Carolina whose post-pageant life included working as a lawyer, diversity specialist, model, and correspondent for the Extra television program.
Celebrity deaths tend to hit hard because while most of us never knew this star decedent or that one personally, the nature of multi-media, especially social media pages that allow us to follow celebrities as if we are in their inner circle, serve to make many of us feel like we are a part of the family or clique. Such is why the outpouring of shock after Kryst's passing at the age of 30 is filled with comments like “she was so young,” “she was so gorgeous,” “she was so talented,” “she was so smart,” “she seemed to have everything going for her” and similar expressions of grief.
What some seem to overlook is Kryst “was so depressed and despondent,” thus, her final Instagram post, “May this day bring you rest and peace,” shows what this talented young Sister was craving—peace!
While reading more about her life early this morning, it is clear that Kryst was dealing with many of the same stressors that have hurt so many people around the globe as the Coronavirus Pandemic has radically altered how we live and relate from a social standpoint. It also seems clear that like many lawyers before her, that the vicissitudes of the profession, coupled with the sexism and harassment that she already had been candid about in her public advocacy for equality for women, may have played some part in her melancholy as well.
I recall with my own deal of melancholy that over the past 27 years, I have lost five friends—three Black males and two white males under the age of 40—to suicide. The last two, a lawyer colleague named Jason Savitz, and my former personal trainer and client Andrew Giba, still haunt me because I was among the last folks to see them alive; Jason sat in my office for about 20 minutes late one Friday evening talking about World War II era history with me after a long week in court and at the end of our conversation, casually mentioned that he had several new books on the Holocaust in his adjacent office that I should take and read. The next day, our landlord and fellow lawyer, John Kenny, called with the news that Jason had hanged himself at his apartment…
As for my trainer, Andrew, my last meeting with him was on a Friday, too, as we met to discuss a legal matter that was troubling him. Two days later, as I went to my office to get some work done on a Sunday, his girlfriend was on my office steps sobbing uncontrollably and, when I finally was able to calm her down enough to tell me what was wrong, she told me that Andrew had shot himself in the foyer of their shared home…
Through the years, I have asked myself several times whether there were any signs that I should have picked up in those last convos, signs that may have helped me to help them? Each time I conclude that the personal Hell that these friends were enduring was endured in solitude, with smiles affixed upon their faces, so as to “wear the mask” that the poet Paul Laurence Dunbar described so long ago. A mask that we all have worn to varying degrees, from time to time, as we have been socialized to just “suck it up,” or “faith it til you make it,” when, what many of us have needed (or still need) is well trained medical help to assuage those mental demons that attack each and every human being at some point or another within a life's span.
As I pray this morning for the soul of Ms. Kryst and comfort for her family and friends, I implore anyone who may be reading these words while actively contemplating suicide to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255! There, you will find professionals who can help you in your crisis situation—and help you locate mental health care providers in your area!
Requiescat in Pace, Attorney Cheslie Kryst…
There are so many dealing with mental health issues that the pandemic has exacerbated. I implore people to seek help. There is no shame in talking with a professional about your issues. Just as you wouldn’t hesitate to seek help if you were physically ill, don’t hesitate if you have mental distress.
I've been thinking about it this morning. Had a feeling you would write on this. Very impressed with such a quick turnaround. I wasn't aware of this person, but it is especially sad that by all appearances she had "everything." However, mental health doesn't care and I think the only thing that can be done is to recognize that individualism has its limits. People need belonging to other people and easy access to health assistance. Some folks have more holes to fill and different levels of coping skills, but we need not make it so hard to be authentic.