"....I know the Lord is looking at me, yet and still its hard for me to feel happy; I often drift when I drive, having fatal thoughts of suicide, Bang and get it over with, and then I'm worried free—but that's b.s." Scarface of the Geto Boys, "My Mind's Playing Tricks On Me," circa '91.
Nine years ago Dr. Donald Grant, a clinical psychologist, published an article in Ebony magazine entitled: “When prayer isn't enough," one that chronicled concerns about mental health in the Black community and how the "solution" among far too many Black folks, especially those who identify as adherents to the Christian faith, was to tell the Brotha or Sista who was suffering through mental health difficulties to "pray about it.”
Well, I regret to report that not much has changed in the nearly decade since Dr. Grant’s piece was published in far too many communities…
On a very personal note, as one who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my adult life, I know such comments all too well because some variation was stated to me by close kin and friends who were shocked that "big and tough Chuck Hobbs" couldn't "get out of this funk." Those declarants didn’t mean any harm, mind you, as they simply parroted words that have been passed down through the generations among Blacks who feared that perceived weakness could lead to catastrophic results for our people in a racist society that desired healthy Black bodies to labor during slavery and Jim Crow.
But as a man who has lost a half dozen friends to suicide, five of whom were Black males, I realize better than most that with a nod to the old Latin idiom "Ora et Labora," translated into the Queen's as "Pray and work," that while prayer certainly helps, that work—in the form of seeking help from a well trained mental health professional—is equally (if not more) important!
For those learning about my mental health issues for the first time, what happened is that several years ago, I was suffering from sinusitis and had an adverse reaction to penicillin (cipro) that made me feel as if I was having a heart attack. I remember the day well; I was sitting in my favorite chair watching college football when my breath got short, my chest tightened up, and I felt a tingling sensation down my left arm. While I surely was praying, I was simultaneously texting my friend and personal physician, Dr. Edwardo Williams, to tell him my symptoms. Doc shot back in all caps "CHEW AN ASPIRIN AND GET TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM ASAP—I WILL SEE YOU THERE ."
I followed his instructions to the letter, and while a heart attack was ruled out that evening after a battery of tests, the diagnosis was that I was having an anxiety attack that's onset very well could have been a negative reaction to the Cipro (penicillin) that I had been taking.
Now, Dr. Williams didn't say "just pray about it" when I described having chest pains and shortness of breath, and he didn't say "head straight to the church" although by the next day in the hospital, our mutual pastor at Bethel AME, Rev. Julius Mcallister, was by my bedside praying with and for me. No, the key cog to my physical health that day ran directly to the hospital and the wonders of modern medicine.
But in the days that followed my discharge, those anxiety attacks would strike without notice, usually at night—with a ferocity. The attacks were like clockwork for the next several months, and because I didn't like taking the Ativan that was prescribed because it made me lethargic, it probably made the symptoms that more pronounced until I eventually settled into a fitness and herbal medicine routine that helped me tremendously.
Nevertheless, during those first few months I still had some relatives and friends who were surprised that "taking it to da Lawd" hadn't yielded swifter results. But I chose to trust God AND the science and, a few years later, trusted God AND the science again when the vicissitudes of my personal and professional lives, which at the time included handling more murder and rape cases than I could bear, devolved into clinical depression.
Such is why I have a soft spot for those among us who fear seeking help out of fear that they will be harshly criticized by the “pull yourself together" or "rebuke the devil" crowd that refuses to recognize anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideations as “real illnesses.” Far too often, those suffering do so in silence until they reach rock bottom—or death.
What’s even worse is that at times, the reverend clergy can be a major part of the problem; I remember when one of my close friends and Frat Brothers committed suicide in the mid-90's that during his funeral, his pastor preached a eulogy with the refrain, "you can't play God." My anger was so pronounced that I was very close to rushing the pulpit and snatching that microphone out of his hand and forcing him to sit down and shut up, but I hesitated out of deference for my Frat’s distraught momma who already had suffered so greatly in the days since her son pulled that trigger.
The simple heart of the matter is that no two people are exactly the same, which means that while some are capable of taking life's struggles head on with prayer alone, others may just as well benefit from counseling and medical treatment. What's also critically important to note is that while there is a certain arrogance among some Christians in America that makes them believe that everyone does (or should) share their same faith—and I'm not just speaking of the mostly white "Make America Great Again" Christian crowd, but dyed-in-the-wool Black Democrats, too, lest they forget that many among us who suffer from mental health issues do not believe in God or organized religion!
The above reality makes the "do you know Jesus," or, "do you have a church home" questions posed to the mentally infirm rather asinine—whereas the far more pertinent questions should be "do you know a good psychologist/psychiatrist," or, "do you have health insurance to cover a visit to a mental health professional?" If the answer to either of the latter questions is "no," then if you really care, you should recommend a mental health professional and/or community based clinics that can provide these needed services; your advice just very well could save someone's life!
This is sad but true and we have to make it known to everyone. Mental health can push you away from the church because of being judged and that hurt even more. When you feel sick prayer is good but remember to get help from the professionals.
I believe I in God and the doctors. Thanks for putting this out there.
John Oliver had a really good episode recently about the difficulty of getting help even after admitting you needed it and seeking it.